“You don’t know what you have until you’ve lost it”. It’s a common saying that has stood the test of time for good reason.
When we asked for one thing people wish they knew before moving abroad, reduced social network (less community) was the most popular response.
For a lot of Nigerians abroad, they come to realise this different style of community through a wide range of experiences. In this article, I’ll touch on just two examples: visiting friends and celebrating Christmas.
When I was in Nigeria, visiting a friend was simple. The conversation leading up to the visit would often look something like this:
Me: (pick up phone and dial friend’s number)
Friend: (answers phone) – ‘Guy, how far?’ (i.e How are you doing?)
Me: ‘I dey. You dey house?’ (i.e I’m good. Are you at home?)
Friend: ‘I dey house’ (i.e Yes, I am)
Me: ‘I dey come.’ (i.e I’m coming to your place right now)
(***call ends***)
Of course, not every conversation goes that way, but hopefully you get the idea.
Apart from special occasions, we rarely plan or schedule a visit in advance. We just show up.
We rarely appreciate the value of this spontaneity, until we’ve left our borders.
Like many, I moved to the UK and quickly learned the culture is very different. The idea of just calling up a friend to say you are coming by, or even worse, just rocking up the front door unannounced will be considered absurd. If you want to visit a friend, you may need to plan it weeks or months in advance. Pull out your phone calendars, find a slot that works for both of you, and lock it in. I’ll suggest you double-check a day or two before the agreed date that the plan is still on. If the plan is still on, don’t forget to pick up a bottle of wine or dessert on your way there.
For many, adjusting to the new process doesn’t take time. But that feeling of community is not the same.
Festivities like Christmas are also celebrated very differently. While plenty of food and drinks are common themes both in Nigeria and the UK (and most other parts of the world), that’s as far as the similarities go.
Growing up in Nigeria, Christmas was a massive family celebration. But it wasn’t restricted to just family. You would wake up on Christmas morning, having no idea how many people you will host as guests on the day. If a friend showed up unannounced, you made them feel welcome with food and drinks. If said friend even showed up with another friend you had never met in your life, you hosted them in the same way.
But the experience of many Nigerians in the UK is very different – especially those with no family ties here. While the British go all out when celebrating Christmas, it is usually a celebration shared with members of the family (immediate and extended).
I remember a friend of mine offering to ask his family for permission to have me join them for Christmas lunch a few years ago. There was no guarantee they were going to say yes, but he was willing to ask.
I knew he meant well. But the formal nature of the invite humbled me. My mind couldn’t help but drift back briefly to the ‘no-invite-required’ Christmas celebrations I had grown up with. I thanked him for the offer, but asked him not to bother. I had made other arrangements.
I have to point out that there are always exceptions. I had the pleasure of celebrating last Christmas with a British family I admire a lot.
In general, Christmas in the UK is a family affair. There’s nothing wrong with it. But if you’re used to celebrating it differently, your first experience could take you by surprise.
Has your experience been completely different? Let us know in the comments
We carried out a survey of over 100 Nigerians about their experiences of living abroad. This post discusses one of the popular answers to the question, ‘What is one thing you wish you knew before moving abroad?’