I’ve opted to start with this one because it’s so common – yet so many Nigerians move abroad and are unaware of it. For a lot of people that have been caught out by it, they look back on the experience and laugh about it. But at the time of the experience, it was anything but funny.
In Nigeria, asking someone if they are free to come out and join you for a meal or a drink is interpreted as ‘Let me treat you to a meal or a drink’. That interpretation has remained for decades without confusion. Understandably, we’ve become so used to it, that the thought of who would pay for the treats at the end of your time out doesn’t cross your mind.
For us, it is very much like a guy who has asked a girl out on a date. One person is paying for the night out – and it’s not the girl.
With that said, most Nigerians know that moving abroad means adapting to a new culture. There is an expectation to find different social norms from what one was used to. Yet, this one still takes many people by surprise.
Take the UK for example. After work on a Friday evening, one of the most popular destinations is the pub. Pubs (short for ‘public houses’) are establishments that are licensed to serve alcohol for consumption on the premises. They are the same as what many other countries call a bar. Many of them serve food as well. For a long time, they have been an important part of the British society. No matter where you are in the UK, you’re likely to see groups of people trooping towards nearby pubs on a Friday evening.
Whether the destination is a pub or a restaurant, the British do not shy away from extending an invite to join them for a meal or a drink.
Now, if you’ve lived all your life in Nigeria, you will unconsciously interpret this invitation to mean ‘ Let me treat you to a meal or a drink’. Unfortunately, that interpretation is not entirely correct.
The usual interpretation of that invitation in the UK is ‘We are going out for a meal and drinks. If you are up for it, and you can afford it, why not join us?’
This difference in interpretation has left a lot of Nigerians in outright shock as calculators start popping up on mobile phones when a bill arrives. Within a few seconds, each person around the table takes a look at the bill, carefully scanning it for the items they are guilty of. The math is done and a payment card is out. At this point, as a Nigerian, you know you’ve interpreted something wrongly and your breathing is now a lot heavier because your wallet is not in the building. You start wondering where the communication went wrong. It had nothing to do with your understanding of english. It’s simply a different culture.
So, dear Nigerians, the lesson here is simple: If you’re invited out to a meal or a drink while you’re abroad, you have to assume you are paying for your meal or drink. If you accept the invite, go out with your wallet or purse. You might not need it. But it’s not a chance you want to take.
Has your experience been completely different? Let us know in the comments
We carried out a survey of over 100 Nigerians about their experiences of living abroad. This post discusses one of the popular answers to the question, ‘What is one thing you wish you knew before moving abroad?’
Great read.
One of the things I couldn’t wrap my head around arriving in the US for school was leaving tips in restaurants. I couldn’t understand why I had to pay for my meal and still leave a tip, you could clearly see this was expected of customers even though it was a voluntary option on the bill statement.
Two other Nigerian friends and I went out for dinner one day and we could clearly see the server was playing for a tip but she was so bad at her job unfortunately. We decided there was going to be no tip and when it was time to leave she literally started yelling at us for not leaving a tip.
I eventually got to understand their employers only paid them a small amount and expected them to get tips to raise this amount for themselves.
Hahahaha….
I had my first experience of shock too during my masters programme in Hull, UK. My husband (then my fiance) and I were invited for a birthday eat out at a Chinese restaurant. As the Nigerians we are, we thought it was an invite for a free meal. Luckily for us, I always carry my card everytime I am stepping out of my house. That card saved us face that day! I got to find out its called “Going Dutch” or a “Dutch Invite”…
Great write up Martin!
Good day! This is my first visit to your blog!
We are a group of volunteers and starting a new project in a community in the
same niche. Your blog provided us valuable information to work on. You
have done a outstanding job!
Very good write-up. I absolutely love this website. Continue the good work!